trying…

Our apartment is clean. Except for our, literally Hoarders Eligible, bedroom. We’ve said we’ll clean that, too… eventually… we have it scheduled for major overhaul next weekend.

Goal: keep it clean. I wish I could explain how my anxiety usually relates to lack of cleaning… Generally I give up. It is too much so I Can’t. And then I don’t. Breaking it up makes it a little easier on average for me to be human.

I’m trying this thing where we have assigned chores for each day that are accomplishable even during the weekdays when we’re stressed and tired from other things. 

We’re also taking turns cooking instead of picking at random food items or ordering out. 

I’m also Officially Back On Meds. It takes time for them to actually take effect but it incrementally making me hopeful each time I put a little piece of my life in some sense of order.

I have a shit ton left to put in order. But I also want to savor moments like these when I can appreciate what I’ve been able to accomplish (no matter how small it looks to others) rather than my usual panic when I end up unable to focus on anything positive… only how much I have left to do. 

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NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY